Goal Line (Madison Howlers #4) Page 7

  Devon didn’t think he’d want to sacrifice time with his family for that, but he did love hockey. Tonight wasn’t a great night for that love, sure, but he still felt it. “I guess sometimes time management can be really hard,” he commented. “Do you feel like you missed out?”

  Annie hummed, one hand coming up to twirl a lock of her hair around her finger. Her gaze seemed to look past Devon as she considered. “Maybe a little,” she said, the slightest crease of a frown between her brows. “Not that he didn’t spend more time with me. He spent enough time for me to know he loved me. With both of us, really.”

  She shifted, leaning in to press a kiss against Devon’s shoulder. “I feel more like I missed out on having a parent who really understood me,” she said quietly. “But there’s no guarantee that my mom would have done either, just because we were both girls.”

  Devon hummed at that. It wasn’t really something he could relate to. His mom had been great. Devon didn’t think there was boy stuff he’d missed out on because of not having a father. On the other hand, Devon knew that he was much more open about his emotions than the majority of the men he knew. That was definitely down to being raised by only his mom. Especially since she had always said that it was important to be open about emotions.

  “I never do well after losses,” Devon admitted quietly. That was, after all, what his mom would encourage him to do. “Goalies are the last defense, so when I fuck up, we lose,” he explained. “It’s not that simple, of course. If the defense is shit, my job is a lot harder. But emotionally that’s not always easy to remind myself of.”

  Annie nodded, bringing her legs up on the couch so she could turn even more towards Devon. “I know it must suck,” she said, reaching up to run her fingers just under the collar of Devon’s t-shirt. It was a comforting touch, not demanding anything of him, just reminding him that Annie was there.

  “I can remind you,” Annie offered. Her free hand came up to poke lightly at Devon’s abs. “If I think you’re being too morose, I’ll remind you that it’s not so simple.” She smiled. Devon liked that she was apparently going to let him be a little morose. “I bet the defense are beating themselves up too,” she pointed out.

  “Yeah, I have no doubt they are,” Devon agreed. If he had been petty, he would’ve added that they should. But Devon wasn’t petty. He understood that sometimes the team just had shitty games. Thankfully, it didn’t happen often. Still, losing was no one’s favorite thing.

  Devon wasn’t quite sure what else to say about that, so he didn’t. Instead, he relaxed into the couch and into Annie. Having her body pressed close against him felt pretty great. It worked as an excellent distraction. She smelled good, too. Devon leaned nearer to breathe her in slightly more.

  She sighed happily, tilting her head in a way that drew Devon’s attention to the length of her neck. “What keeps you going?” she asked. Devon must have looked confused because she carried on almost immediately. “I know you love hockey, but… what is it that motivates you on the bad days? Not just after a loss, but when training gets tiring or when you have to push yourself so hard that it hurts the next day?”

  When Devon still didn’t answer, Annie ran a hand through her hair. “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do that,” she clarified. “I think it’s incredible that you do. I just… wonder what the reward is. You’re already in the NHL. I know the Howlers have made it to the playoffs while you’ve been with them.”

  “There isn’t really an endpoint,” Devon commented. The way Annie expressed it, it sounded like she thought there was. And he got that, almost like a list of tick boxes. In a way, it was true. Getting drafted to an NHL team was a dream come true! But the next thing was that Devon had wanted to do well by them. After that, there had been the playoffs. Then the Stanley Cup. There were so many different achievements. But that wasn’t quite the reasoning for Devon.

  He had to think about how to explain that. “I love the process. And yeah, I obviously don’t love the losses, but that is part of the process. The game... it’s just beautiful. Winning is great, I love winning. But even if I just had to play pick up games for the rest of my life? It’d be worth it.”

  Hockey was the best. Hockey had always been the best.

  “I know that training tomorrow is going to be great. We’ll all get shouted at, for sure. But then we’ll work together to improve. I’ll get in a zone and the ice will be there. The ice is always there.”

  Maybe it sounded a little too poetic, but it was how Devon felt. He did shrug then. “I don’t know if that really answers your question,” he admitted.

  Annie smiled. “Whether it answers my question or not, I think it’s interesting,” she said. Devon liked that. It was great to know that Annie wanted to hear about his thoughts and his feelings. Whether or not they were directly related to the question she asked.

  “I think it half-answers my question,” she decided, returning her hand to rest on Devon’s chest. “You do it for the love of it, I get that. But you don’t just play pick-up games. You could. Then you wouldn’t have to try as hard or get shouted at. So you must also want to try that hard, on some level.” She frowned like she didn’t quite get it.

  Annie had said that she’d never stuck to any of the skills she’d tried to learn. “Is it that you want to work together with a team of people that are also at the top of their game?” Annie asked. “You wouldn’t get that in a pick-up match.”

  “I wouldn’t,” Devon agreed. “I want to be... the best at what I do. Or the best I can be at what I do,” he corrected. There was always going to be someone else who’d be as good if not better. But Devon knew he was one of the top goalies currently playing in the NHL. He had stats to base that on.

  A lot of it came down to being focused. He enjoyed the process of becoming the best - or at least trying. From what Annie had said about starting things and then quitting them, Devon didn’t think she experienced things the same way. Which was fine, people are just different.

  “The pleasure I get from hockey, in part, is because I can be the best and play with the best,” Devon commented. “Play against the best, too. We have to figure out how to win. It’s not enough to be good, you have to overcome obstacles. The reward feels... better when I’ve overcome obstacles.”

  Something about Annie’s intent, thoughtful expression was sexy as hell. Devon talked about hockey a lot, obviously. He had interviews, and the Howlers, and his family. No one had ever seemed to weigh his words with quite as much interest as Annie. If Devon hadn’t already been aching and tired, he might’ve suggested something more active they could do than watch movies.

  “I think I can understand how that would be true,” Annie offered. “Logically, anyway. If you’ve had to work harder, overcoming obstacles, then the reward ought to mean more. Is that right?”

  “It’s right for me,” Devon answered. “I don’t... I can only speak for myself. I know that it’s true for some of the other guys on the team, too.” Because Devon had spoken to them about it or had heard them say things similar in interviews. For others, it was the competition that kept them motivated. A passion, a love. They were different motivators, but they all did the same thing.

  Devon had no idea if that applied to everyone outside of hockey, too. He doubted it. One single thing couldn’t apply to everyone, right?

  His fingers brushed over Annie’s arm and Devon pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder. “To me, the working hard on it is part of the fun. Maybe it’s just not for you,” he pointed out gently. Devon didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. Not for as long as Annie was happy.

  She looked up at him, as quiet as if she were expecting Devon to say more. It seemed to genuinely startle her when he didn’t. Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink that had nothing to do with the blanket they were still curled under. “I don’t really know,” she admitted. That, too, Devon had no problem with. He’d been lucky to find hockey at a young age. He knew not everyone could have the same good fort
une.

  “But tonight’s not about me,” Annie hastened to explain, giving Devon’s arm a squeeze as she pulled her hand back from his chest. “It’s about you. And filling you up with delicious cheese. Do you want half of this pasta bake, or more than half? It should be nearly ready.”

  Devon’s stomach rumbled in response and he laughed. “I guess that’s more than a half,” he joked. Devon was sure that it’d be absolutely delicious. He couldn’t imagine struggling to eat as much of it as he was given. Besides, Devon would probably eat it even if it tasted bad. He didn’t want Annie to think he didn’t appreciate her efforts.

  Honestly, while the loss still ached somewhere inside Devon’s heart, Annie’s presence had made him feel better. It wasn’t something Devon had even known could happen. No girlfriend in the past had bothered to figure out how to make Devon feel better after a loss. Thinking of Annie as his girlfriend made Devon’s heart leap.

  He pressed a kiss against her hair. “I’ll pause the film,” he promised. That way, they could cuddle some more as they ate the comfort food Annie had made Devon.

  It felt pretty great to have someone who wanted to make him food that comforted him.

  It made Devon feel special in a way no girlfriend ever had made him feel before.

  Annie was, Devon thought, pretty fucking great.

  Chapter Seven

  DEVON'S GAME AGAINST Green Bay was an important one. Even though he’d said he didn’t mind the idea of the crowd there hating him, Annie couldn’t help but wish that it weren’t true. Devon was amazing. The more Annie got to know him, the more she wanted to help make him feel good.

  Her heart was torn between wanting to support Devon and wanting to support her family. Logically, Annie knew it didn’t need to be an either/or. Only one team could win the match, but it wasn’t as if Annie’s support would actually influence the outcome. She could be glad for both teams if they won. Or sad for both teams if they didn’t.

  She’d promised Devon she would watch the match on TV. It was only after they’d separated that it had occurred to Annie how easy it would be for her to be there in person. If the Howlers lost again, Annie would love to be able to support Devon. Especially when he wasn’t expecting her.

  And if they won, well, then Annie could help him celebrate.

  Annie’s heart was in her mouth as she walked along beside Sawyer at the Green Bay Rink. She’d never fallen for hockey the way her brother had, but the excitement of the crowd was impossible to ignore.

  Her brother wrapped an arm around her, and Annie leaned into his side with genuine affection. “Hey, you,” she greeted. “Is Charlotte coming?”

  “No.” Sawyer shook his head. “She came to the last one, so she says she’s filled her quota.” He laughed. Charlotte was a lot more like Annie in how she liked hockey but she didn’t obsess over it the way Sawyer and their dad did. “She is going to be disappointed to know she missed you,” he commented.

  Moving to take a seat in the private box they were watching the game from, Sawyer glanced at the crowds - still piling in for the game - and then at Annie. “Are you staying the night? We could get a brunch or something tomorrow?”

  Annie felt her cheeks flush. She’d never hidden anything from Sawyer about the guys she’d dated. And she didn’t intend to start now. Even though Charlotte and Sawyer weren’t soulmates, Annie trusted that he understood why finding her soulmate had always been important to her.

  “I am staying the night, but hopefully not at dad’s,” she admitted, unable to help the satisfied smirk that curled the corners of her lips. “I’m… seeing someone.” She and Devon hadn’t officially called one another boyfriend and girlfriend, but Annie hoped it was heading in that direction.

  Her heart did give a nervous flutter as she added, “He plays for the Howlers.” Sawyer took hockey pretty seriously. Not so much so that he’d consider her dating Devon a betrayal. At least, so Annie hoped.

  Still, the anxiety in her stomach tightened as she watched a frown settling on her brother’s brow. For a moment, Annie did worry that he’d say she couldn’t. Or that she shouldn’t. Their dad had always been extremely clear about how Annie wasn’t to date any hockey players. He had only meant the Mammoths, she was sure. It would never have entered her dad’s mind that she might date a Howler.

  “Which one?” Sawyer asked and then shook his head. “Sorry, that’s not the right question. Charlotte would be so annoyed with me. Are you happy? That’s the right question. Then tell me which one.”

  It made Annie laugh. “Charlotte’s been good for you,” she teased. She was quite sure Sawyer would never have thought to ask if Annie was happy before he’d met his wife. He had wanted her to be, of course, but - like so many men - he would have assumed that Annie was happy unless specifically told otherwise.

  “I am happy,” she confirmed. Devon was different from the other men Annie had dated. Not only was he more open with his own emotions, he also seemed more accepting of Annie’s. She was still getting used to it. “He’s amazingly intense.” Annie wasn’t going to tell her brother how hot it made her feel just thinking about watching Devon’s performance on the ice. That didn’t mean it wasn’t true.

  Twisting a strand of hair around her finger, Annie added, “He’s their goalie. Devon Oakley.”

  “Oh,” Sawyer said. Annie wasn’t quite sure what that meant. Before she could ask, Sawyer nodded. “That explains the intense thing. Goalies are weird,” he shook his head. Annie laughed at that. Apart from Devon’s intensity, she really hadn’t found him all that weird. Devon was just... focused. And it was something Annie actually liked a lot.

  The music announcing the arrival of the teams began and Annie’s stomach flipped. The away team would enter first, which meant that there would be booing. Quite a lot of it, if Annie recalled what Mammoths vs Howlers games were normally like.

  “And what does he think?” Sawyer asked. When Annie frowned, clearly not knowing what he was talking about, Sawyer waved his hand around. “About this. About dad owning the Mammoths. They’re the Howler’s biggest rivals, that must be weird.”

  Guilt crept coldly through Annie’s body, muffling the excited butterflies caused by the match. She should have known Sawyer would ask. Annie had just been so excited by the thought of coming out to see Devon play that it really hadn’t entered her head. “I, uh, haven’t actually told him yet,” she admitted, just as the Howlers burst onto the ice.

  The crowd exploded, jeering and shaking their fists. Annie had seen it before, but it had never felt so personal. Even knowing that Devon considered it part of the job, Annie wished it didn’t have to be.

  She glanced to her right, only to find Sawyer frowning at her, ignoring the Howlers completely. She blushed. “I just wanted to see… what it was going to be before I complicated it,” she argued.

  “Annie,” Sawyer said in a tone that Annie recognized well from when they’d been kids. Sawyer had always had a responsible streak a mile long. He’d been a great older brother. Sometimes, Annie had wished Sawyer was a little bit less of a stickler for the rules. “Not being honest is never a great start for a relationship,” he pointed out. Like she didn’t already know that!

  Annie just wanted things to be simple. She worried about what Devon might say if he knew her dad owned his biggest rivals. Surely it was alright to just... wait? She’d was going to tell him.

  “Annie,” Sawyer repeated, making her look at him.

  Her stomach turned over - not pleasantly, this time. She looked up at Sawyer, feeling her heart rise up into her throat. “What if he can’t deal with it?” she asked. She had been so excited by meeting Devon. And he was so amazing. “I couldn’t bear to lose him over a hockey rivalry.” It didn’t matter to Annie who Devon played for, but she knew it mattered more to him.

  Would it matter enough for him to leave Annie, when they were just getting to know each other? What she really wanted to know - and what Sawyer couldn’t tell her - was whether she would be e
nough. Had she shown Devon enough good qualities that he could look past the complication of Annie one day inheriting shares in the Green Bay Mammoths? Annie worried that she hadn’t. She didn’t know how to fix that.

  Sawyer pulled Annie in closer just as the game started. His solid form felt comforting, just like it had when they were kids. Turning his head, Sawyer pressed an affectionate kiss against’s Annie’s hair.

  “He’d be a fool to give you up,” he told his sister. “And if he does, well, then you’ll just find someone even better,” he promised. Sawyer had always been great at telling Annie that if something didn’t work out there was something else around the corner. He’d often encouraged her to try new things but he had also never stopped her from quitting anything.

  If one thing didn’t work out, there was always something else.

  Except, this time Annie didn’t want there to be something else. She wanted Devon to be it for her. Even thinking it in the privacy of her mind made her heart race. She knew it was early. She and Devon still hadn’t slept together. And chemistry in the bedroom was important. But Annie couldn’t believe they wouldn’t have it. They were so good together in every other way. Not to mention, Devon’s kisses left her tingling and eager for more.

  She didn’t want to turn the corner to find someone else. Thinking back to all the times in her life she’d done exactly that, Annie wasn’t sure she could make Sawyer understand why this was different. She just knew that it was.

  “Thanks, big brother,” Annie said, leaning into Sawyer’s arm. Even if he hadn’t said quite the right thing, Annie knew he had tried. He definitely did mean it when he said Devon would be foolish to give her up. Annie would just cross her fingers that Devon wouldn’t get hung up on the fact her father owned his greatest rivals. “I will tell him,” she promised, more to herself than to Sawyer. Tonight. She would tell Devon tonight.