Best Played (Salt Lake Pumas) Page 14

  I did chuckle at that, knowing just how right Will was. Luke took his captaincy very seriously. I was a little surprised I hadn’t yet received a check-up call. Before I managed to say as much, or even my real intention of being here - to thank Will - Alfie spotted me from where he was lounging in front of the television.

  “Olle! You’re here!” he exclaimed, drawing the attention of the rest of the guys, too, who actually paused the video game for me.

  “I am here,” I confirmed with a small nod.

  “So are you less crazy now?” Chase asked and almost immediately got whacked in the back of the head by Flynn. It made me snort, shaking my head a little at their antics.

  “I am less crazy now,” I promised. It was true, in that I wasn’t manic. Whether I’d truly ever be less crazy generally, I wasn’t too sure.

  “We’re glad to hear it,” Will said, not quite meeting my eyes. He’d been the one to call the doctor, and he was one of the only members of the team who’d had to handle my manic episodes before. But that didn’t mean it was easy for us to talk about it. As men, it just wasn’t something that we did.

  His hand gave me a quick thump on the back. “You gave Roxi a scare, I think. I didn’t know how much you would want me to tell her about what was going on…”

  That was a good question.

  I hadn’t really thought about what someone else might say to Roxi. I knew that I couldn’t talk to her. Not right now. Maybe in a while when everything I felt wasn’t so intense. But did I mind what Will - or more likely Lacey - said to Roxi? Probably not.

  “You can tell her whatever you want,” I decided. “I... I’m hardly in a position to dictate what people should or shouldn’t say, even if it does concern me. Maybe especially because it concerns me.”

  Looking over at the guys and then at Will again, I nodded my head towards the kitchen. “Can we talk privately for a second?”

  Will gave me a troubled look, but nonetheless led the way into the kitchen. With the door shut between us and the guys playing video games, I could only hear the dull hum of their chirping and conversation.

  “What’s up?” Will asked. There was genuine anxiety in his expression, like he worried I might be about to drop some life-altering bomb. It served to intensify the shame that writhed in the pit of my stomach. I hated thinking about what I’d put Will and Luke through. What I was still putting them through.

  “You know nobody blames you?” Will asked. “We all handle a loss like that in our own way. Nobody shrugs it off like it’s nothing.”

  “Yeah, but no one goes crazy either.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and from the way Will flinched, like I’d physically hit him, I knew it was the wrong thing to say. I knew it was the wrong thing to say anyway.

  Shaking my head, I gave a soft sigh. “Don’t worry, my mom’s on the case about the ‘not your fault’ thing and I’ll make sure to talk to my therapist about it.” At the moment, everything felt a bit too fresh to truly convince myself that it didn’t matter, that it wasn’t my fault, but I did think things would improve.

  “I just wanted to thank you. It means a lot to me, what you did. I know that you won’t think my apology is necessary, but I still want to offer it.”

  Will gave me a small smile, which seemed to confirm what I’d already said. “You’d do the same if it was someone else,” he pointed out. And before I could argue that it wasn’t someone else, Will continued. “Just consider it thanks for driving my drunk girlfriend’s drunk friends home safely.”

  When he put it like that, it was harder to argue. I had made sure that Lacey and Roxi were safe - and Will making sure that I had the medical care I needed was pretty similar.

  “Alright.” I nodded. This wasn’t an argument I would win even if I wanted to. And the truth was, I didn’t. There was no reason for me to fight to have Will admit that not being bipolar would be better. I already knew that. What I needed to do was just manage it. Usually, I did okay with that.

  “Anyway,” I shook my head then. “I’m going home tomorrow. To Sweden. Mom says she’s got some IKEA units for me to build,” I joked, certain that Will would find that funny. It also felt a bit like breaking the ice, putting things back together.

  Will’s laughter shook free of him, such an energetic sound that it made me smile, too. “Guess it’s a good thing the guys were still here, then. Can’t let people think you came to say goodbye to me especially.”

  I grinned at that, shaking my head. “But you’ll be back for next season, right?” Will asked. “This isn’t -” He waved a hand, but didn’t finish his sentence.

  It warmed me a little to think that Will would want me back, even after all that had happened.

  “This isn’t me going forever,” I promised easily. “I just need to recharge and, well, having my family around is always helpful to that. And, you know, being actually able to speak a decent language!” I smirked.

  It was so easy to fall into that chirping with Will, it made me feel normal in a way that I desperately needed right now. Giving him one more smile, I stepped forward to pull Will into a quick hug.

  “Thanks, man, truly.”

  “It’s not necessary,” he muttered, pounding his fist affectionately against my back.

  As he pulled back, Will grinned, a shared look of understanding flashing between us. “You’d better bring us back some of those candies. Alfie will whine forever if you forget.”

  “The licorice ones?” I teased. We both knew it was not licorice that Alfie was after, but it was always funny to give him some. Will laughed, too, and just like that things fell back into normal.

  I didn’t stay for too long, but I did stay a little. Then, wishing the guys a great summer, I set off. Only one more sleep and I’d be back in Sweden where things were easier to push to one side and ignore.

  And right now? That was exactly what I wanted to do.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Roxi

  I’d been so sure that Olle would want to tell me what had happened. He’d been so straightforward with me when we were in Tennessee, telling me that the simplest way for us to act was to stick as close to the truth as possible. It seemed like the same had to be true for this, whatever this actually was.

  Olle and I hadn’t spent a lot of time together, but my feelings for him were deeper than any I’d ever experienced. Of course, he might not feel the same. Assuming that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him would be wishful thinking on my part.

  But it had seemed obvious that Olle liked me! Enough that he wouldn’t leave me hanging, to worry whether he was feeling better.

  Maybe I’d pressed him too hard, insisting that I take him home. I’d pushed myself into his life, into his private space, even into whatever medical issues existed between him and his doctor.

  But even if that were true, wouldn’t Olle have told me so?

  I didn’t know which anxiety was greater: the fear that Olle was still suffering or the anxiety that I might have ruined whatever we were building together.

  Either way, sitting around my apartment and waiting for Olle to call wasn’t doing any good.

  Turning up to Lacey’s just to talk about Olle felt a little weird. Usually, it was the other way around. And maybe, in a way, that made it okay. I’d done my best to help Lacey through her uncertainties about Will. Now, it was my turn to be the one asking for her guidance.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “I want to call him, but I worry that maybe he needs space from me?”

  The frown on Lacey’s face didn’t give me any immediate answers. “He hasn’t contacted you?” she asked, sounding genuinely surprised about the fact. “I thought he would have! Shit, Rox, I would have rung you had I known he hadn’t! You must be worried sick.”

  I was kind of worried sick, but I also felt a little guilty that it wasn’t just about Olle’s wellbeing. Of course, I worried, but my thoughts also kept returning to us, to the things that could b
e and might be between us.

  “Olle’s okay. I mean, I think he’s medicated pretty heavily from what Will said, but apart from that, he’s okay. His mom flew out to take care of him and...” She paused, looking down at her wristwatch. “They’re flying to Sweden today.”

  “Oh.” A feeling of hopelessness washed over me. If Olle had left the country without getting in touch, then that had to mean he didn’t want anything more to do with me. My insistence on getting him medical help must have been a step too far.

  I felt tears well up inside me, rising from a place deep, deep within. It shouldn’t be possible to feel anything like this! Not over someone I’d only really known for a couple of weeks.

  Sure, my crush was a lot more long-lasting than that. But having a crush wasn’t the same as genuinely having feelings for someone.

  My lower lip quivered. “I really… I thought he liked me.”

  He had liked me. I was sure of that. “I guess I fucked it up, huh? But what was I supposed to do, Lace? I couldn’t just let him take me clubbing and pretend everything was normal.”

  “Oh, honey!” Lacey said, not hesitating to draw me into a hug. It helped, the way she squeezed me but it made it impossible to stop the tears from coming. “Roxi, I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t like you,” she told me when she pulled back, one hand coming up to brush the tears off my cheek.

  I frowned at that. If it wasn’t that Olle didn’t like me then why had he not contacted me? Thankfully, I hardly needed to voice that for Lacey to follow my trail of thought.

  “I only really know the things Will tells me, but... I think he’s ashamed. Olle came to apologize to him. Maybe... maybe he didn’t contact you because he’s ashamed of how he was with you?”

  I hardly needed Olle to apologize. As far as I was concerned, he hadn’t done anything wrong! I’d been worried about him, and worried that I hadn’t handled the situation the way he would have wanted.

  “Then I need to tell him that he has nothing to be ashamed of.” Scrubbing the last of my tears away, I lifted my chin.

  And then I remembered that Olle wasn’t even going to be here. “But how can I, if he’s flying today?”

  Lacey gave a small hum as she considered that. Then her face lit up. “Well! You could see if you can catch him at the airport? I think his flight’s at three, so you’ve got a bit of time to get there!”

  It was an utterly ridiculous proposal. This wasn’t a romantic comedy where you dashed through the airport. But... maybe it could be.

  If I was going, then I needed to leave now! I threw my arms around Lacey, squeezing her tight. “Alright. I’m going to see if I can do it!” My mind was already whirling, trying to spin a plan out of thin air.

  But this wasn’t something I could plan. It was something that I just had to do.

  I hustled down Will’s drive without a backward glance, leaping into my car and feeling the roar of the engine all the way down to my bones.

  Traffic seemed to be on my side. The road to the airport was clear enough for me to speed down it, overtaking the few cars standing between me and my goal.

  The closer I came, the more my heart pounded in my chest. Was Olle going to think I was crazy? But I didn’t feel crazy, just determined. And hopeful. For the first time in days, there was something within my control, something I could do to fix things between me and Olle.

  I wasn’t going to miss that chance.

  Pulling into a parking space, I desperately checked the clock, praying Lacey hadn’t got the time of Olle’s flight wrong. If she was right, it was going to be a close thing.

  I was panting by the time I finished dashing across the parking lot, but I couldn’t stop now. I darted toward the nearest check-in desk, excitement and anxiety tap-dancing together in the pit of my stomach.

  “The flight to Sweden at three,” I gabbled, “are there tickets left? Is it still boarding?”

  Frankly, I’d buy a ticket to anywhere if it meant that I could catch Olle before he left the country. Fumbling in my pocket, I pulled out my credit card, waving it across the top of the desk.

  The woman gave me a strange look but tapped on the computer anyway. I had no idea what I had expected. I’d rushed over here, full of excitement. There were butterflies in my stomach, the thought of seeing Olle again, making things better between us.

  And then, just like that, she crushed all of those dreams.

  “Sorry, it left eight minutes ago.”

  My whole body seemed to deflate as hope gushed out of me. Olle had gone - left, without even texting me to say goodbye. Did I really mean that little to him? Even if he was ashamed, why would he leave me behind without a word?

  “Oh. Okay. Sorry.”

  I stayed standing at the desk, the check-in woman watching me expectantly. If Lacey were here, she’d probably tell me to get the next plane to Sweden.

  But what was I going to do once I got there? I didn’t even know Olle’s parents’ address.

  There was nothing I could do except go home. “Thank you for your help,” I said mechanically, turning away.

  The walk back to my car felt like miles. My stomach tightened with every step, until it was knotted so fiercely I didn’t know if I would ever take an easy breath.

  I couldn’t leave things like this. I needed to do something!

  Naturally, the traffic away from the airport was ten times heavier. At least it gave me plenty of time to consider things.

  By the time I arrived back at Will and Lacey’s, I’d decided on a course of action.

  Lacey came out with Vega, her husky, prancing along at her side. She stopped when she saw me, obviously able to read my expression without me even saying a word.

  “I’d missed the plane,” I explained. “I thought about just getting on the next one, but I realized that I needed a better plan than that.” It wasn’t the way they’d do it in a romance novel, but planning worked for me.

  Lacey gave me another tight hug, before pulling back and giving me a thoughtful look. “But you’ll go?” she asked. “I think... Roxi, you rushed off to the airport! It’s so unlike you but it shows me how much you care about him.” When Lacey put it like that, it was hard to disagree.

  I would have never imagined rushing off after a guy, yet with Olle... well, I’d do it again.

  “You’ll go to Sweden?” she asked, her tone hopeful.

  “Yeah,” I confirmed, making Lacey squeal with delight. Vega was clearly excited, too, because she added her own loud bark to the mix. Seeing them both so pleased for me, so encouraging, made me feel stronger in my resolve. I was going to insist that Olle give me - give us - another chance.

  I just needed to make a plan first. “I’m going to pack an actual change of clothes, and make a list of phrases I might need, and maybe arrange a hire car online.” There was a lot to do, but I knew I’d feel more confident if I was prepared.

  “Oh, and I need to work out where Olle lives. Do you think Will knows?” If Will didn’t, Luke must, surely? Somebody had to have an address for Olle’s parents.

  “I will ask!” Lacey nodded energetically. “I’m excited!” she squealed. “It’s so romantic!” The enthusiasm made me laugh. Lacey really had always been the romantic. And while I could see how this was romantic, it being well planned meant a lot more to me.

  I could do this.

  Make a plan. Go to Sweden. Romance the shit out of Olle.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Olle

  Being back in Sweden felt... good in some ways.

  I’d spent the first day we got back mostly sleeping. Jetlag was definitely a problem, even if the medication I was on helped to push that along. Curling up under a pile of blankets in my parents’ spare room just made me feel safe. And like nothing else mattered.

  Of course, I knew that wasn’t true. I had essentially just run away.

  I felt guilt for not having contacted Roxi, for not having thanked her for her help. But I just didn’t want to hear her say that I was
too much, that she couldn’t take on someone so unstable. It wouldn’t be unfair, but it would still sting.

  So I’d taken the coward’s way out and run away.

  I kept telling myself that I’d apologize. I’d message Roxi. But then I’d have to tell her I’d run away. That just seemed to add to my reluctance.

  What I hadn’t expected was for my phone to ring on the morning of my second day at home, Steph’s name flashing across the screen. I hadn’t even had my phone on until about five minutes before she’d rung, only turning it on to check in with the team.

  Almost on instinct, I answered.

  “Steph? Is everything alright?” If something had happened to Roxi... God, I couldn’t even think about that!

  “Everything’s fine!” she assured quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t think that it might seem weird for me to call you out of the blue. You’re not busy training, or anything?”

  I certainly wasn’t training. In fact, my plans for the day amounted to a whole lot of nothing. Once I’d assured Steph that she wasn’t interrupting, she continued.

  “Roxi gave me your number, in case I needed a Sweden expert for any of my articles.” Steph chuckled, and I dimly recalled Roxi asking once if it would be okay for her to give Steph my number. At the time, I’d appreciated that she’d thought to ask.

  “Actually, I am doing research for some top ten lists around Europe, but that’s not really why I called,” Steph finished.

  “Okay?” I drew out unsure if I was meant to know why she had called. Was it to call me out for leaving? Was she going to be angry at me for what I’d done? But Steph didn’t sound angry. She sounded... fine.

  Sitting up in the bed, I piled the pillows behind me. “So um, what is the reason you’ve called?” I asked, trying not to sound as cautious as I felt. I’d liked Steph from when I’d met her, but that was before... everything.

  “Well, Roxi’s birthday’s coming up, and I don’t really know what to get her.” It surprised me that Steph would need help. From everything she and Roxi had said, they were very close. I wouldn’t have thought Steph needed help picking a gift.