Goal Line (Madison Howlers #4) Page 13

  Annie followed Devon into the kitchen, spooning things onto plates while he opened a bottle of white wine and poured them each a glass. Taking it all through to Devon’s dining table, they settled themselves within easy reach of everything they might need.

  “I know I already said it in my message, but I am sorry I overreacted,” Annie opened. She pushed some rice around her plate. At least the food gave them something to do with their hands. “And I’m sorry I unraveled your knitting without asking,” she added. “I didn’t know it would upset you. If I had known, I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t upset you knowingly.”

  “I know that,” Devon said almost immediately. He did know that Annie wouldn’t have wanted to upset him. He also knew that if he had asked her to not unravel it, she wouldn’t have. It was just that he hadn’t thought to say that. Really, the whole thing had been a misunderstanding that had escalated into something bigger.

  Devon gave a small sigh. He wanted her to know that it wasn’t her fault. She said she was sorry for overreacting, but Devon wasn’t sure she had. “I’m sorry, too,” he said finally. Annie’s eyes widened a little bit, like it wasn’t quite what she’d expected him to say. “I didn’t express myself right. I’m very sorry for upsetting you.”

  Annie gave a small nod, her eyes meeting Devon’s. “It’s okay,” she said. Devon felt a wash of relief flood his system. “I know you didn’t mean to, either.” She was right, neither of them had intended to hurt the other. That didn’t mean they hadn’t, but it did make it a lot easier to move on from.

  After taking a bite of her food, Annie returned her attention to Devon’s face. “I didn’t realize at first that you weren’t criticising me,” she explained. “When you said that I don’t finish things.” She frowned, but rushed on before Devon could interrupt. “You didn’t mean it as a bad thing, but I’ve always thought of it as my biggest flaw.” She lifted her chin, determination written across her brow. “That’s why I was upset. Because I thought you were telling me it was a flaw, too.”

  “I wasn’t,” Devon said just as quickly. “I just...” There Devon paused. He still didn’t feel great about needing to admit that him not finishing things made him anxious. “I always see things through. So not doing that, it made me feel... shitty, I guess. I don’t think that helped me explain what I meant.”

  His mom had pointed out that if Devon had just said that, then things might’ve gone more smoothly. But Annie was here now, so they could clear things up. “I don’t think you not finishing things is a flaw,” Devon added. He really didn’t. If anything, his inability to just let go of things was probably worse.

  “Why do you?” Devon asked after a moment.

  Annie frowned at that. “It just… is,” she answered, like she genuinely struggled to imagine where Devon was coming from. “I mean, look at everything you’ve achieved by seeing things through. I’ve never been able to do that.”

  She chewed on her lower lip for a moment. “I guess it’s not the worst flaw,” she allowed. “I’m not hurting other people by not finishing things. No one but me really cares whether or not I finish a scarf, or learn to figure skate, or go into local government. But it’s still not a good thing.”

  Honestly, when Annie had first told Devon about how she didn’t finish things it hadn’t bothered him. If Annie wanted to start six different crafts projects, all Devon cared about was that she enjoyed herself. He hadn’t known it bothered her so much.

  Slowly enough that Annie could pull her hand away, Devon reached out to take her hand. When she didn’t stop him, Devon gave Annie a soft smile. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing.” Devon didn’t want Annie to think that he minded her picking things up and then dropping them. It didn’t affect Devon. Or well, it had done in the instance of the knitting, but that was mostly because Annie had assumed he was like her. Devon wasn’t.

  “You told me that trying different things made you happy. Is that not true?” Devon really hadn’t known this bothered Annie so much, if he had, he would’ve never brought it up the way he had.

  Her fingers laced with his, sending a warmth all the way up into Devon’s chest. “No,” Annie said, sounding thoughtful. “It is true that trying different things makes me happy. And I guess there isn’t enough time in the world for me to finish everything I try.” That was probably true. The kind of focus Devon had on ice-hockey didn’t allow a lot of time for other things.

  “I was the only one in my family that didn’t finish things,” Annie explained. “My dad, Sawyer, they both follow through on things. They would never tell me that being different was bad, but -” She paused, her free hand making a gesture as if she were searching for words. “They just… finished things for me. Because they knew I wouldn’t.” She shrugged. “I guess I feel like I can’t finish things. Even if I want to.”

  Devon’s first instinct was to point out how Annie didn’t want to, but maybe that wasn’t true. That was the impression he’d gotten. “Do you? Want to finish things?” he asked with a small frown. If it was the case that Annie did but couldn’t because she worried, then that was very different from just not minding if she didn’t finish something.

  So far, Annie had seemed so carefree to Devon. It was a nice, refreshing change from how he was. But if that wasn’t true, then Devon wanted to learn what was. He had no idea if Annie wanted him to finish things for her. Devon didn’t think she did. It was strange to him that her dad and brother had done that for her.

  “Some things,” Annie said, brushing her hair behind her ear with her free hand. The other was still holding Devon’s. It felt good. Devon still wished they hadn’t argued as they had, but if this - getting to know Annie better - was the result, then maybe it wasn’t entirely a bad thing. “I don’t wish I was a figure skater, or that I still worked in local government,” she explained. “And I guess it doesn’t matter if I finish a scarf for Magda. She knows I appreciate her, even if I just buy her a present.”

  After another small pause, Annie continued. “I’d like to finish this degree. I’m enjoying it. I’d like to do something with it. But I worry that it’ll get hard, and I’ll stop.”

  Devon nodded at that. It was true that he wasn’t someone who dropped things just because they were hard. At the same time, he did know that a lot of people did. Things being hard and challenging was what Devon enjoyed about learning. Then again, he only applied that to hockey. That was the thing that Devon loved and always had. He found it difficult to relate to Annie giving things up because they were hard.

  However, he was only interested in her doing things that made her happy. Devon had assumed that giving things up and trying something new was what Annie wanted. This conversation made him question that.

  “So would you want me to encourage you to finish things? I don’t know at what point it becomes me pushing you to do something you don’t want to do.” Devon had no interest in doing that. He wanted to support Annie in the things she chose to do.

  Annie’s delicate fingers squeezed Devon’s hand. She smiled softly at him across the table. “I think you’re pretty great for even asking,” she said, a slightly playful lilt to her voice. “And it means a lot that you don’t just assume I can’t finish things.” Devon still struggled to understand how her dad and brother thought they’d been helping by finishing things for Annie. It was very different from how he’d been raised.

  “I don’t know where the line is,” she admitted. “No one’s ever tried to push me to finish something.” She took a sip of her wine, letting the liquid wet her lips before she licked it off. “Have you had people who encouraged you without pushing you into something you didn’t want?” she asked.

  The question made Devon give a small hum as he thought about it. He’d always loved hockey. The way he’d been encouraged in that had been different than other things. Devon had wanted to succeed. That had been what had driven him. But then he’d done things like studying hard in school because he wanted to play hockey.

  “
I think I was always encouraged with positivity,” Devon decided. “My mom would tell me how if I worked hard I could succeed. One of my very first hockey coaches told me that achieving would feel much better if I pushed myself. So I guess, it’s not that someone else pushed me. I pushed myself.”

  But then, Devon did wonder if it was different because he felt so strongly about hockey. Annie’s passions were much smaller and more fleeting. “For me, the enjoyment is in the catch, while I think for you it’s in the chase.” That was why only one of them caught things for a living, Devon supposed.

  “That’s not bad,” he added quickly. “Just different.”

  From the way Annie leaned forward, she seemed genuinely interested. “I think that makes sense,” she agreed. “I like the process. Trying a new thing, choosing what I want to do with it, picking out the colors of yarn or what song I’d dance to in the big competition. Even when I don’t make it to the competition, I still enjoyed choosing.” Like Devon had said, it was different from how he was. More carefree.

  “But I’d like to achieve some things,” Annie added. “If I could do that, and I knew I could do that, I don’t think I’d feel as bad about the things I don’t choose to follow through.” That brought them back to Devon’s question, of whether he should push Annie to do more. “So, I guess you can encourage me to push myself,” she suggested. “That way, it’s not you telling me to do something I might not like. It’s just you telling me to trust that I can do more than I might think.”

  That was pretty straight forward. It was also a lot like training. You did a set amount of things and then pushed yourself to do that tiny bit more. Devon felt fairly confident that he could encourage Annie to push herself a little bit. He didn’t know if that would be enough, but if that was what she’d prefer he’d definitely try it.

  Having some of his food, Devon smiled at Annie. “I can encourage you to push yourself,” he confirmed. “And,” there Devon paused, not wanting to start an argument again, but needing to explain his position, too. “You won’t undo things I’ve done if they’re not finished?” he asked carefully.

  “I won’t,” Annie agreed. “Now that I know it bothers you, I’ll put anything you start aside, and let you decide what to do with it.” She sounded sincere. It eased Devon’s anxiety somewhat to know that she understood. “If you want, I can redo what you started in the same yarn, so that you can carry on with it,” she offered. “I don’t know if that’s the same as knowing you did it all yourself.”

  “No,” Devon shook his head. “I wanted to...” He paused, not wanting Annie to feel bad about having picked it apart. She hadn’t known. Devon also did believe that Annie wouldn’t do it again. “I wanted to keep it because you showed me how to make it,” he shrugged. It would’ve been nice, even if Devon had no idea what he would’ve done with a coaster sized knit.

  Before Annie could apologize again, Devon carried on. “It’s fine, honestly. I understand why you did it. I’m sorry about how I reacted. Are we okay?” Devon really hoped they were. The conversation had been good. If anything, it might even be better than whatever Devon had expected.

  Girlfriends in the past had been a lot less willing to hear Devon out. That was probably why they were girlfriends in the past. Devon felt that this boded well for his and Annie’s relationship. They had the ability to talk things through.

  Annie’s smile seemed to light up her whole face. Devon thought that was probably a good sign, too. If they both came away from this conversation feeling that it had gone well, that could only be a positive step in their relationship.

  “We are okay,” Annie confirmed. “Do you have things you’re self-conscious about, like I am about not finishing things?” Annie asked. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally make you feel bad. Magda suggested that I could just ask.”

  Devon had to give a small chuckle at how uncertain Annie sounded of Magda’s advice. “You can just ask,” he assured her. Devon thought that was a good suggestion. While he had never met Magda, he hoped he would do one day. She sounded like a good friend to Annie. Devon felt he should probably thank her for being there when he’d fucked up.

  As for what the answer actually was, Devon had to think a little bit. After a moment’s pause, he gave a small shrug. “I don’t think there’s something you are likely to say that will make me feel bad,” he told Annie. It was true. At the same time, Devon didn’t want Annie to think he was just avoiding her question. “There are things I’m self-conscious about. I just don’t feel like you can’t bring those things up.”

  It was hardly as if Annie would bring them up to hurt Devon.

  Slowly, Annie nodded. “That makes sense,” she agreed. “I’m not asking you to never bring up that I don’t finish things.” She flashed him another small smile that made Devon’s heart turn over in his chest. “But I am asking you to be… careful.” She pursed her lips, picking up her fork again. Devon nodded at that. He would try to be.

  “So if there’s things you want me to be careful of, then I will,” she promised. “But if not, you don’t have to tell me what you’re self-conscious about.”

  “It’s not stuff like that,” he said truthfully. “I guess for me it’s more... I don’t want you to think I’m too much. I know I can be. I’ve been told in the past that I focus in on things too much. It’s great for hockey, but not that great for a relationship.” A few girlfriends had found Devon too intense, he knew that.

  All Devon wanted to do was to make sure his partner was happy. If for Annie that meant leaving projects half-finished, that was fine. Devon would encourage her to finish them, like she’d said it’d be okay to do. But he didn’t mind if she didn’t finish them.

  “But you can tell me if I’m too much,” Devon added. “I’m not as much self-conscious about it as I am self-aware.”

  Smiling, Annie’s eyes met Devon’s, before her gaze dropped to his lips, and then his shoulders. She shook her head before turning her attention back to the food. “I like how much you are,” she assured. Devon didn’t need the reassurance, but nothing about Annie suggested that it wasn’t true. So far, she had seemed to be very into Devon, in a way that definitely not all of his past girlfriends had been.

  “But I like how self-aware you are, too,” Annie added. “It makes me feel like I can tell you things, or ask you things. I trust you.” Her eyes twinkled at him. “I think that’s pretty important.”

  It made Devon smile. He wanted to be someone Annie could trust. It felt pretty great to be told that she did. Devon could feel the way his heart wanted to give all of itself over to Annie. He didn’t think he’d be able to resist it for much longer.

  “I think that’s pretty important, too,” Devon nodded. He gave Annie’s hand a squeeze before reaching for another bite of food. “I’m not glad we had an argument, but I am glad we had this conversation,” he told her. “It feels... well, I guess, it feels pretty adult?” Which seemed like a weird sort of compliment but it was certainly true.

  “Yeah,” Annie agreed, nodding. “I think we’ve been very mature.” The grin she gave him was enough to remind Devon that, for all the maturity they’d displayed, they were both still young and lively. “For a first argument, it wasn’t too awful.” Devon was glad to hear that. It had felt pretty horrible watching Annie walk out... Devon reminded himself that she had come back.

  Taking another sip of her wine, Annie added, “Shall we try out other ways to be mature after we eat?”

  The way Annie then wiggled her eyebrows at him made Devon laugh. “I suppose if you insist, I might let you seduce me,” he informed her, deadpan. It didn’t last for long. The way Annie beamed at the prospect made Devon smile. He loved seeing her like this - happy and relaxed.

  Devon was going to try very hard to keep her like that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  SINCE THEIR ARGUMENT, and the conversation after their argument, the relationship between Devon and Annie just got better and better. They had more domestic mornings together.
And when Annie learned how to paper quill off YouTube, Devon let her teach him. In turn, Annie let him keep the flower that he made.

  The only fly in the ointment was that Annie still hadn’t told Devon about her dad. She’d tried to, several times. Somehow, the words ‘My dad owns the Mammoths’ just would not pass her lips. Devon had talked about how focused he was on hockey, how intense. What if he really felt as though he had to break up with Annie just because of her dad’s loyalty to the Howlers’ biggest rival?

  There was plenty to do to keep Annie’s mind off it. Her studies were getting more demanding. At first, Annie had thought Devon would be annoyed that she had less time for him. Instead, he’d suggested she bring her work over to his house. She learned vocabulary while he watched old ice hockey matches. It was peaceful and companionable.

  They’d spent the day together doing just that. Annie had a pop quiz on Monday, but she felt well-prepared. So well-prepared that when Jodie called to invite her to a party, Annie grinned.

  She hung up, after getting all the details, and turned her attention to Devon. Her feet were already resting in his lap. A careful prod with her toe was enough to get him to hit pause.

  “Do you want to come to a party tonight?” Annie asked. She was practically buzzing with excitement. Despite being a student, it had been weeks since Annie’s last night out. She didn’t mind, but a little excitement would be welcome. “It’s at Jodie’s apartment, so you don’t have to worry about getting recognized,” Annie carried on.

  “Not particularly, if I’m honest.” Devon shrugged. Annie’s excitement diminished at that, she really wanted to go. “You go,” he added. That made Annie frown. It didn’t seem right to go out and leave Devon at home. She had come over to spend time with him.

  All they’d done so far was sit together, each doing their own thing. While that was lovely - really, refreshingly enjoyable - Annie hardly felt that it was enough. “But we haven’t done anything together today,” she pointed out.